My poor husband has heard so much from me, especially in the first five years of our marriage, that should have never came out of my mouth. Thank the Lord for a forgiving husband! It has been through years of marriage that I realized my husband needs to hear me say certain things and often, so our marriage thrives.
Over the years, since those first five painful growing years, I have learned a lot about the needs of my husband and how my words can affect him negatively or positively. I would like to share seven things that I have learned my husband loves to hear me say to him.
Here are seven things your husband needs to hear you say:
- “Forgive me“ – In our family, we try to avoid the ‘I'm sorry‘ because it doesn't always seem sincere enough when true damage has occurred within a relationship. We leave the ‘sorry' for time when we bump into each other or make a mindless mistake, not something that was done on purpose or with intent.
- “I was wrong“ – Asking for forgiveness is a great place to start, but I have found that my husband loves when I admit even more to him with the ‘I was wrong‘ statement. I can still see his face the first time this unheard phrase slipped from my lips. He was really shocked that I could admit being wrong and he instantly softened toward me.
- “I appreciate how you provide for our family“ – Men work hard to provide for their family and in most cases, they do not get any respect for the work that they faithfully do for the company they work for and it shouldn't be the same case with the family that he works hard to provide for.
- “Thank you“ – I started thanking my husband for the little things he does, like playing with the kids, helping get our youngest ready for bed, helping with the discipline of our children and just listening to me. Sharing your gratitude with him should be second nature, but it really took a focus for me to make it that way and I'm sad I didn't start earlier.
- “You look so gorgeous“ – I'm a strong believer in ‘if you think it, you need to say it‘ because people need to hear positive thoughts more than negative ones. Telling your husband that you are still attracted to him, even if he has gained weight or looks different than when you first were married (trust me, you probably look different, too). Having confidence in how you view him can help him feel more confident in your relationship with him.
- “What can I make you for dinner“ – Asking my husband if there is anything special that he would like for breakfast, lunch or dinner (or even dessert) really let's him know that I desire to please him and make him happy. Many times he doesn't have anything special because I usually stay with the meals that I know he enjoys, but on occasions, he has been quick to say that he was hungry for something.
- “What do you think we should do“ – I have always been quick to share my opinion with my husband, however over the last several years, I have been learning to ask his opinion before giving mine. It has surprised me to find that many times we were both thinking the same thing, but allowing him to go first allowed him to feel more of the leader I have desired him to be in our home. That has been so empowering to him and an answer to my prayers! And to think, I was the one standing in the way of getting my heart's desire.
The more I spoke these things to my husband, the more I realized that I was providing him with the things he needed, and it gave me a perspective that I was created for him.
For years, I wanted my husband to be… more.
I wanted him to be the picture that I feel the Bible was stating about what a Christian husband should be and do. It took me a while to realize that I was standing in the way of the very thing that I desired the most of his place in our home. I share that journey in my post, How to Empower Your Husband to Be the Head of Your Home.
My heart is open to sharing with other women about the journey our marriage has taken, because it hasn’t been an easy journey.
Our marriage has been a journey with many hills and valleys, but I wouldn’t want to do it without him. We have learned a lot in our 25 years of marriage, and I share it on my marriage resource page. I hope you find it full of inspiration to keep on keeping on, and growing together.